Chapter 1: Usernames!
Summary:
Usernames + student council + dorms <3
They might change, so i'll update the list
New characters will be added as we go along
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
「 ✦Usernames ✦ 」
Aether: eether
Albedo: chalk
Alhaitham: alhaitham
Aloy: aloyyy
Amber: FLYHIGH
Arataki Itto: THEONEANDONI
Arlecchino: zaddy
Baizhu: snek
Barbara: barbara:)
Beidou: piratemommy
Bennett: benny
Candace: Candace
Charlotte: SAYCHEESE
Chevreuse: chevreuse!
Chiori: chioriyaboutique
Chongyun: popsicle
Collei: leafy
Cyno: cYES
Dehya: dehyadeeznuts
Diluc: urlocalbatman
Diona: IHATEWINE
Dori: scammer
Dunyarzad: dunya! (yes i love her too much so i added her)
Eula: eulalawrence
Faruzan: callmemadame! (later changed to madam)
Fischl: fishel
Freminet: fremi
Furina: furina<3
Gaming: woushou!
Ganyu: cocogoat
Gorou: dogboy
Hu Tao: walnut
Jean: mother
Kaedehara Kazuha: kazoo
Kaeya: fakepirate
Kamisato Ayaka: ayaya
Kamisato Ayato: BOBA
Kaveh: masterarchitectUwU
Keqing: kaching!
Kiyomi [Kimi] (OC): idrawsmut<3 (later changed to kiyomeow)
Kirara: catgirl
Klee: dodoco!!
Kujou Sara: kujousara
Kuki Shinobu: cookie
Layla: let.me.sleep.
Lisa: mommy
Lumine: lumean
Lynette: lynette
Lyney: magicboy
Mika: mika
Mona: monamegasus
Nahida: twig
Navia: urlocalswiftie
Neuvillette: monsieurnoovi
Nilou: nilou:)
Ningguang: moneymommy
Noelle: favoniusmaid!
Qiqi: iwantcocomilk
Raiden Ei: gimmedango
Razor: wolfboy
Rosaria: vampire
Sangonomiya Kokomi: kokonut
Sayu: ninjasayu!
Shenhe: shenhe.
Shikanoin Heizou: detective
Sucrose: sugar
Tartaglia: toiletcleaner
Thoma: thomathetrain
Tighnari: imakeweed
Venti: ventea
Wanderer/Scaramouche: scarameow
Wriothesley: wriotheSLAY
Xiangling: chefxiangling!
Xianyun: anemom
Xiao: xiao.
Xingqiu: iwritesmut
Xinyan: ROCKNROLL
Yae Miko: foxmiko
Yanfei: IAMTHELAW
Yaoyao: yaoyao!
Yelan: xingqiukinnie
Yoimiya: YOIMIYA!!!
Yun Jin: yunjinnie
Zhongli: zhongli
「 ✦Dorm representative✦ 」
🔥| Pyro: Diluc Ragnvindr (placeholder until Natlan students come back)
🌊| Hydro: Furina de Fontaine
🍃| Anemo: Venti Barbatos
⚡| Electro: Raiden Ei
🌱| Dendro: Nahida Kusanali
🧊| Cryo: Wriothesley Meropide (placeholder until Snezhnayan students come back)
⛰️| Geo: Zhongli Lapis
「 ✦ Nationalrepresentative✦ 」
🍷| Mondstadt: Jean Gunnhildr
🪙| Liyue:Ningguang Jade
🌸| Inazuma: Kujou Sara
🪴| Sumeru: Alhaitham Volans
🍰| Fontaine: --------- Neuvillette
🌋| Natlan: N/A
🪆| Snezhnaya: N/A
「 ✦Dorm arrangements✦ 」
- Anemo dorms:
| Venti and Xiao (1A)
| Wanderer and Heizou (2A)
| Aether and Kazuha (3A)
| Xianyun and Jean (4A)
| Faruzan [single] (5A)
| Sucrose and Lynette (6A)
- Geo dorms:
| Zhongli and Arataki Itto (1G)
| Noelle and Yunjin (2G)
| Ningguang and Navia (3G)
| Albedo and Gorou (4G)
| Chiori [single] (5G)
- Electro dorms:
| Raiden Ei and Yae Miko (1E)
| Dunyazard and Lumine (2E)
| Kuki Shinobu and Kujou Sara (5E)
| Cyno and Razor (4E)
| Fischl and Keqing (5E)
| Beidou and Lisa (6E)
- Dendro dorms:
| Nahida [single] (1D)
| Collei and Kirara (2D)
| Alhaitham and Kaveh (3D)
| Baizhu and Tighnari (4D)
- Hydro dorms:
| Furina and Kimi (1H)
| Mona and Barbara (2H)
| Neuvillette and Ayato (3H)
| Tartaglia and Xingqiu (4H)
| Yelan and Candace (5H)
| Nilou and Kokomi (6H)
- Pyro dorms:
| Diluc and Thoma (1P)
| Lyney and Bennett (2P)
| Hu Tao and Xiangling (3P)
| Yoimiya and Dehya (4P)
| Amber and Xinyan (5P)
| Chevreuse and Yanfei (6P)
| Ga Ming [single] (7P)
| Arlecchino [single] (8P)
- Cryo dorms:
| Wriothesley and Kaeya (1C)
| Layla and Ayaka (2C)
| Ganyu and Charlotte (3C)
| Chongyun and Freminet (4C)
| Mika [single] (5C)
| Eula and Shenhe (6C)
| Rosaria and Aloy (7C)
Notes:
representatives are for the student council btw
Chapter 2: who is xiao dating???
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
lumean added xiao., walnut, thebettertwin, and 5+ people
lumean made thebettertwin admin
lumean named thebettertwin "eether"
lumean name new group "SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵"
eether: LUMINE STOP MAKING NEW GRP CHATS
lumean: no.
lumean: ANYWAYS
lumean: XIAO @xiao.
xiao.: what.
lumean: a little birdy (yanfei) told me yew are dating someone 😇
IAMTHELAW: WTF LUMINE YOU SAID WOULDNT TELL HIM IT WAS ME
lumean: OOPS
lumean: SORRY 🤭
xiao.: yanfei.
xiao.: just wait till i get my hands on you :)
IAMTHELAW: RUNNING FOR MY LIFE RN
ventea: a new group chat?
ventea: LUMI
ventea: EETHER
ventea: MAKE ME ADMIN PWEES 😘
eether: I GOTCHU 😍
eether made ventea admin
ventea: THANK YOU EETHER<3
walnut: OMG ITS MY BAE VENTI
ventea: OMG ITS MY BAE HU TAO
tartagliachilde: WASSUP YALL ITS YO BOY CHILDE
lumean named tartagliachilde "toiletcleaner"
toiletcleaner: WHAT IS THIS SLANDER
zhongli: I believe it is because of your name, Ajax.
eether: HAHA TOILET CLEANER
ventea: SHLONGLI
zhongli: no.
IAMTHELAW: PLEASE SAVE MESWIUHREF
xiao.: the traitor has been taken care of.
lumean: WAIT XIAO PLEASE TELL ME
lumean: WHO ARE YOU DATING
zhongli: Xiao is dating someone? Please do not feel ashamed to tell us Xiao.
zhongli: After all, we'll accept anyone.
walnut: XIAO???
walnut: MY BROTHER PULLED?
xiao.: I AM NOT YOUR BROTHER
walnut: PISH POSH
walnut: YOU ARE NOW MY BROTHER
walnut: I ADOPT YOU
xiao.: THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS
cocogoat: xiao is dating someone?
cocogoat: you won't tell us?
xiao.: im not against telling you guys...
xiao.: but im curious to see how long it takes the twins to find out
lumean: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
eether: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
lumean added 75+ people
xiao.: WTF LUMINE
walnut: DAMN WHAT
walnut: I DON'T THINK VENTI KNOWS THIS MANY PEOPLE
ventea: HEY
ventea: I BET I KNOW EVERY SINGLE PERSON HERE
eether: @everyone DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO XIAO IS DATING
gimmedango: what is this??
scarameow: ei??
scarameow: CHNAGE MY NAMR
cookie: ???
detective: xiao is dating someone?? 🧐
detective: time to use my detective skills *runs hands through hair sexily*
cookie: WHAT RHE f*ck
ventea: A FELLOW ROLEPLAYER???
ventea: *lipbites*
iwritesmut: *smirks* hey bbg 😉
iwritesmut: I DO NOT WRITE SMUT
popsicle: your ao3 account begs to differ
iwritesmut: SHUSH YUN
eether: CAN YALL STAY ON TOPIC
eether: XIAO IS DATING SOMEONE
lumean: OUR MISSION IS TO FIND OUT WHO
eether: JOIN US
lumean: AND THE FRUITS OF YOUR LABOR SHALL BE A SWEET AS A BEE
kaching!: what.
cocogoat: as sweet as a bee…?
lumean: dont question it
lumean: 8 year old lumine was a menace
eether: NAH CAUSE HER FACE WAS SWOLLEN FOR TWO WEEKS
eether:*lumineswollenface.jpg*
ventea:HOLY sh*t
xiao.: oh lord
FLYHIGH:OH MY GOD LUMINE???
lumean:STAY ON TOPICCCC
scarameow:i thought it was obvious?
scarameow:hes dating EUFEJFRHRNT
ventea: XIAO STRIKES AGAIN :O
xiao.:i want to make this hard for the twins
lynette: us?
magicboy:us?
xiao.:NO
mom:SLEEP
mom:ITS LATE
ventea:OK MOM
mommy: yes jean darling~
fakepirate:take ur flirting somewhere else please and thank you!
mommy:ok bitchless
fakepirate:SHUT IT LISA
urlocalbatman:can confirm kaeya had been bitchless since childhood
chalk:and he'll be bitchless for the rest of his eternity
gimmedango:eternity??
fakepirate:EXCUSE ME THE SLANDER???
ventea:WE CAN BE BITCHLESS TOGETHER
scarameow:*cough cough*
ventea:SHUT IT SCARAMEOW
scarameow:DO NOT f*ckING CALL ME SCARAMEOW
twig:ahem
scarameow:...
scarameow:fine
scarameow:please don't call me scarameow
ventea:o-ok senpai 👉👈
scarameow: STOP.
ventea: youre so k-kawaii-desu senpai~ 🥺
ventea: ara ara~
scarameow: WHAT.
scarameow: WJAT THE f*ck
scarameow: TAKE ME OUT OF MY MISERY
scarameow: ARURGRGRRNREGIN
scarameow went offline
ventea: and that it how you scare someone away ;)
xiao.:what the actually f*ck did i just read
xiao.:venti.
xiao.:HWAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU
ventea:xiao senpai~
xiao.:STOP RIGHT THERE
xiao went offline
zhongli:One cannot expect much from Venti.
zhongli:But you have disappointed me even so.
ventea:shush old man >:(
mom:IF YOU DONT GO TO SLEEP VENTI
mom:ILL PUT YOU IN A CASKET MYSELF
walnut:did someone say casket :D
Notes:
kaeya is so relatable 😔✊
Chapter 3: MISSING CAT
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Group chat:SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
ventea:GUYS
ventea:XIAO XIAO XIAO
ventea: XIAO @xiao.
ventea:HELP HUEHUEHUE
xiao.:whats wrong???
lumean:XIAO SHOWING CONCERN??
eether:ITS A MIRACLE
walnut:you don't think...
cocogoat: .
zhongli:.
eether:.
lumean:.
walnut:.
barbara:): .
mom:.
eether:LMFAO THERES NO WAY
lumean:YEA LOL WHAT WHERE WE THINKING
zhongli:They wouldn't date.
zhongli:I wouldn't let it happen.
zhongli:ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN
eether:zhonglis having a stroke lol
barbara:):i mean...
barbara:):someone like xiao with someone like venti?
walnut:LOL HAHA THAT WOULD BE FUNNY
toiletcleaner:HAHAHA JUST IMAGINE
scarameow:yall are so f*cking stupid
ventea:HEY OLD MAN
ventea:I WOULD MAKE A GREAT SON-IN-LAW
ventea:i mean
ventea:if i was dating xiao ofcs 😇
xiao.: HES NOT MY DAD
xiao.: MY FAMILY IS DEAD
chefxiangling: oh.
kaching!: F IN THE CHAT
piratemommy: F
popsicle: F
iwritesmut: F
walnut: FFFFF
shenhe.: F?
chefxiangling: F
yunjinnie: F
moneymommy: f
ventea:ANYWAYS
ventea:GUYS PPEALSE HEP ME
ventea:THERES A CAT IN MT ROOM
ventea:IM SNEEZING SO HARD RN
ventea:XIAO CAN U GET MY ALLERGEE MEDIXIN
xiao.:just get it out??
ventea:I CANT
ventea:EVEYRTIME I GEt To CLOSSE IT RUNS AWAY
xiao.:k wait im coming
eether:wait how does xiao know venti's dorm room 🤨
lumean: THEYRE ROOMMATES DUMBASS
callmemadame!: aether.
callmemadame!: YOU LIVE IN THE ANEMO DORMS
callmemadame!: YOU ROOM WITH KAZUHA
callmemadame!: HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS???
chefxiangling:aren't they friends anyways??
IAMTHELAW: ...thats one way to put it
xiao.:...
IAMTHELAW:I SAID NOTHING
IAMTHELAW:I SWEAR ON THE LAW
scarameow:i physically cannot do this anymore
lumean added new person
lumean: @everyone WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT
kiyomi: hi?
eether:INTRODUCE URSELF
kiyomi: uhhh ok
kiyomi: some of the inazumans might know me but for the others ill do it
kiyomi: hi im kimi, but if you read manga you may also know me as the manga writer/artist wisteria! (=^ ◡ ^=)
kiyomi: im an art major and transferred from narukami uni <3
kiyomi: ALSO HAS ANYONE SEEN MY CAT
kiyomi: SHES A VERY CHONKY CALICO CAT WITH A PURPLE COLLAR /ᐠ。ꞈ。ᐟ\
ventea:OMG YOU ARE WISTERIA???
ventea:I LOVE YOUR ART AND YOUR MANGAS
ventea: how did i go from attempting to gain godhood to becoming a uni student? IS MY FAV ONE FOR SURE
ventea:I LITERALLY HAVE YOUR PLUSHIE
ventea:also i think your cat is in my room so :D
kiyomi: OMG TYSM =^∇^*
kiyomi: also what is your dorm room??
ventea:anemo dorms room 1!!
kiyomi: oki! (=˃ᆺ˂=)
kiyomi: sorry for the trouble!!!
ventea:PLEASE THERE IS NO TROUBLE
ventea:I GET TO MEET MY FAV MANGAKA
ventea:also can you tell me what ur wearing?
kiyomi: uhhh im wearing my lilac merch sweatshirt and kuromi pj pants :D
kiyomi: why do you need to know tho??
lynette: its a funny story actually
xiao.:venti asked kazuha to get him takeout one day
kiyomi: OH I KNOW KAZUHA
kazoo:heyyeyeyeyey
scarameow:UGH DID YOU GET WEED FROM TIGHNARI AGAIN
kazoo:nO
imakeweed: he did.
xiao.:ANYWAYS.
xiao.:so venti asked kazuha to get him takeout oneday
ventea:and someone knocked on the door
ventea:so i assumed it was kazuha RIGHT?
ventea:he was wearing a black sweatshirt and so was the person at the door
ventea:so i just assumed it was him obviously??
ventea:and i open the door
ventea:AND THIS SHORTASS PERSON COMES INSIDE
ventea:AND STEALS MY GUMMY VITAMINS???
ventea:AND THEN RUNS BACK OUT
lynette: he was whining about it for a month
mom:gummy vitamins???
fakepirate:he needs those to grow taller 🥰
ventea:SHUT IT KAEYA
mommy:he is right tho...
ventea:THIS IS SLANDER
ventea:SLANDER I TELL YOU
xiao.:hes right tho
kaching!: YOU CANT BE TALKING
piratemommy:ISNT HE SHORTER THAN VENTI 😂
xiao.: NO I AM NOT
cocogoat: i think theyre the same height
walnut: *side eyes you*
iwritesmut:wait im backreading rn
iwritesmut:WISTERIA???
iwritesmut:OMG
iwritesmut:FANGIRL MOMENT!!!!!!
popsicle:*fanboy
iwritesmut:shush yun
kiyomi: got my lovely cat back! (^≗ω≗^)
kiyomi: *chunkycatinventisarms.jpg*
kiyomi: also thank you sm @iwritesmut !!
kiyomi: wait
kiyomi: hold on
kiyomi: ZHENYU???
kiyomi: OMG I LOVE YOU SM
iwritesmut:OMG WISTERIA IS A FAN OF MINE
kiyomi: OMG OMG AHHHHHH
kiyomi: THE WAY YOU WRITE SMUT IS SO BEAUTIFUL
iwritesmut:THANK YOU SO MUCH
iwritesmut:wait
xiao. took a screenshot
popsicle took a screenshot
piratemommy took a screenshot
10+ took a screenshot
iwritesmut:I DONT WRITE SMUT
xiao.:a little too late for that
xiao.: zhenyu
ventea:CAUGHT IN 4K OMG
ventea:oh wait that reminds me
ventea named kimi "idrawsmut<3"
idrawsmut<3:I DO NOT DRAW SMUT
furina<3: i beg to differ 🤨🧐
furina<3:your nsfw art is a blessing and a curse <3
ventea:UH CHAPTER 96 OF GODHOOD TO UNI BEGS TO DIFFER
detective:ok not to break up this lovely uhhh meeting
detective:are you the inazuman with the short black hair and curtain bangs??
idrawsmut<3: uh yea??
idrawsmut<3:my hair is up till my shoulders btw (=ↀωↀ=)
detective:interesting... *leans against wall sexily*
cookie:PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY
detective:COOKIE 🍪
cookie:bye.
cookie went offline
detective went offline
Notes:
so yea my OC made an appearance
pls comment it makes me happy 🥹
oh yea btw if u want any character(s) to show up just lemme know cuz i forget other characters exist
Chapter 4: dorm rooms and student council!!
Summary:
Ok heres a few facts:
- The uni name is Teyvat University
- It is located in Celestia, the capital city of Teyvat (its modern times so)
- Dorms are divided by element
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Group chat:SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
9:20 AM
mom: @lumean @eether Is everyone in this group chat?
lumean:yep :D
lumean muted everyone
lumean unmuted mom, furina<3, ventea, 4+
mom:Alright @everyone please listen carefully.
mom:This year, we will have both region and dorm representatives in the student council.
mom:Unfortunately, due to the Incident, Khaenri'ah dorms are irreparable, so the section will be erased. Students from Natlan and Snezhnaya are staying off campus.
mom: Dormrepresentatives:
| Pyro: Diluc Ragnvindr (placeholder until Natlan students come back) @urlocalbatman
| Hydro: Furina de Fontaine@furina<3
| Anemo: Venti Barbatos @ventea
| Electro: Raiden Ei@gimmedango
| Dendro: Nahida Kusanali @twig
| Cryo: Wriothesley Meropide (placeholder until Snezhnayan students come back) @wriotheSLAY
| Geo: Zhongli Lapis@zhongli
mom: Please go to your respective representative if there are any problems regarding the dorms.
mom: Regional Representatives:
| Mondstadt: Jean Gunnhildr@mom
| Liyue:Ningguang Jade @moneymommy
| Inazuma: Yae Miko@foxmiko
| Sumeru: Alhaitham Volans @alhaitham
| Fontaine: --------- Neuvillette@monsieurnoovi
| Natlan: N/A
| Snezhnaya: N/A
mom: Apologies Neuvillette, your first name is not on the student database.
monsieurnoovi: No worries.
mom:Anyways, moving on. The dorm representatives can take it from here.
mom: Unfortunately, there has been a mix up with the dorm rooms. The actual list is posted below.
ventea: Anemo dorms:
| Venti and Xiao 1A
| Wanderer and Heizou 2A
| Aether and Kazuha 3A
| Jean and Faruzan 4A
| Sucrose and Lynette 5A
zhongli: Geo dorms:
| Zhongli and Arataki Itto 1G
| Noelle and Yunjin 2G
| Ningguang and Navia 3G
| Albedo and Gorou 4G
gimmedango: Electro dorms:
| Raiden Ei and Yae Miko 1E
| Dunyazard and Lumine 2E
| Kuki Shinobu and Kujou Sara 5E
| Cyno and Razor 4E
| Fischl and Keqing 5E
| Beidou and Lisa 6E
twig:Dendro dorms:
| Nahida (single) 1D
| Collei and Kirara 2D
| Alhaitham and Kaveh 3D
| Baizhu and Tighnari 4D
furina<3:Hydro dorms:
| Furina and Kimi 1H
| Mona and Barbara 2H
| Neuvillette and Ayato 3H
| Tartaglia and Xingqiu 4H
| Yelan and Candace 5H
| Nilou and Kokomi 6H
urlocalbatman:Pyro dorms:
| Diluc and Thoma 1P
| Lyney and Bennett 2P
| Hu Tao and Xiangling 3P
| Yoimiya and Dehya 4P
| Amber and Xinyan 5P
| Chevreuse and Yanfei 6P
wriotheslay:Cryo dorms:
| Wriothesley and Kaeya 1C
| Layla and Ayaka 2C
| Ganyu and Charlotte 3C
| Chongyun and Freminet 4C
| Mika (single) 5C
| Eula and Shenhe 6C
| Rosaria and Aloy 7C
mom:ok lumine you can unmute them now.
lumean unmuted everyone
iwritesmut<3:YAYYY@furina<3WERE TOGETHER (๑✪ᆺ✪๑)
furina<3:yep yep :D
ventea:XIAO I CONVINCED JEAN TO PUT US TOGETHER AGAIN
lumean:wouldnt xiao wanna be with his gf/bf??
eether:THEY MIGHT NOT BE ANEMO STOOPID
scarameow:sigh
masterarchitechtUwU:WHY AM I STUCK WITH ALHAITHAM AGAIN???
alhaitham:Being with you isn't pleasant either.
masterarchitechtUwU:HEY
imakeweed:oh god theyre gonna be here all day
aya<3: @lumean are u at the uni yet??
lumean: AYA!!!
lumean: I MISS U
lumean: BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, YES
eether: a few people came in like a week ago
leafy: why??? uni literally starts next week!!
cYES:collei have you seen my limited edition super sonic TCG card??
leafy: i think tighnari has it?
imakeweed:nope
cYES:...
cYES:MY CARD
cYES went offline
idrawsmut<3: im a transfer student so i wanted to get to know the place before starting (=◉ᆽ◉=)
ventea: student council kids have to come early 😓
detective: why not?? its fun
cookie: fun?? you mean going to uni early?? in what world is that "fun"??
THEONEANDONI:I THINK THIS GUY HAS ROCKS FOR BRAINS
cookie:you cant be talking itto
cookie went offline
ventea: wait xiao when are you coming??
xiao.: tm actually.
ventea: WAIT WHAT TIME I WANNA BE AT THE AIRPORT
xiao: 10:00 am
xiao.: im coming with zhongli childe hu tao and ganyu so dont do anything stupid
ventea: YESSIR 🤭
ventea: AWW ITS THE WHOLE FAMILY
xiao.: NO
zhongli: i suppose you could see it like that
xiao.: ...maybe
toiletcleaner: zhonglis the mom, im the dad
toiletcleaner: xiao is the oldest son, hu tao is the younger daughter
toiletcleaner: AND GANYU CAN BE THE PET GOAT!
cocogoat: ...
toiletcleaner: JKJK YOURE THE MIDDLE CHILD
xiao.: YOU WILL NEVER BE MY FATHER
toiletcleaner: progress!!!
toiletcleaner:last time he tried to kill me <3
scarameow:aren't you and zhongli like 2 yrs older than them
hu tao: DETAILS DETAILS
hu tao: BRING IT IN FAM@zhongli @toiletcleaner @xiao. @cocogoat
zhongli: Bring it in?
toiletcleaner: HU TAO IS MY FAV CHILD
xiao.: NO
cocogoat: i have to work...
ventea: moving on from this disfuntional family
ventea: *disfunctoin
ventea: **disfuntional
zhongli: ***dysfunctional
ventea: THANKS BLOCKHEAD
zhongli: The disrespect.
ventea: ANYWAYS
ventea: HERES YALLS DAILY DOSE OF MY BBY DVALIN
ventea: *dvalinsquishednexttoventi'sface.jpg*
xiao. saved picture
xiao.:sorry it was an accident
scarameow: sigh.
walnut: venti.
walnut: bae.
ventea: YES BAE??
walnut: I DONT THINK PETS THIS BIG ARE ALLOWED
iwritesmut<3: HOLY sh*t UR BIRD IS HUGE
ventea: ARE YALL CALLING HIM FAT??
ventea: THATS MY BABY UR TALKING ABOUT
eether: WHY IS IT SO BIG???
ventea: something no one says after seeing your dick 😔
lumean: LMFAO LOW BLOW
eether: STFU LUMINE
xiao.: you cant be talking venti.
lumean: 🤨
xiao.: im assuming
xiao.: he gives off small dick energy anyways.
lumean: NAH FR THO
lumean: OUR SMALL DICKED BESTIE
ventea: XIAO WTF
eether: HAHAHAHA MOTHERf*ckER
ventea: SHUT IT EATER
idrawsmut<3: eater???
ventea: aether → eether → eater
idrawsmut<3: ah.
scarameow: OMG
scarameow: OH MY GOD.
scarameow: IM GONNA ACTUALLY
scarameow: HOW OBLIVIOUS CAN YALL BE
scarameow: GRRRRRRRRRRR
detective:scaramouche furry arc?? 😳
foxmiko: oho~
foxmiko took a screenshot
scarameow: SHUT IT MIKO
scarameow went offline
walnut: so....
walnut: venti's lizard??
ventea: *BIRD
mom: im dealing with this tomorrow
ventea: ehe~
mom: DONT EHE ME YOU LITTLE sh*t
mom: NOW I HAVE MORE PAPERWORK
mommy: jean darling...
mommy: go to bed dear
mom: i apologize for my outburst.
ventea: s-sorry for troubling you s-s-senpai 🥺
mom: venti.
mom: run.
ventea:OH sh*t WHAT THE FEOENWIWRFNI
ventea went offline
furina<3: sigh
Notes:
OMG THE LANTERN RITE THIS YEAR IS GONNA BE AWESOME
CLOUD RETAINER IS SO FINE AND GAMING IS SO COOL
xingqiu's outfit is giving furina!!! (and his little ponytail too <3)
Chapter 5: VENTI GETTING BITCHES ARC??
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Group chat:SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
12:03 PM
fakepirate:VENTI GETTING BITCHES ARC???
fakepirate:*venticoveredinhickeys.jpg*
vampire:wait i see him
vampire:he's in the library
vampire:HOLY sh*t DID YOU HOOK UP W A CANNIBAL???
benny:i met a cannibal before :D
mika:what
monamegasus:a regular day for bennett 😔
razor: a
razor: benet st ay insid
benny: thanks for your concern razor 😊
benny: but my ceiling fan fell on me and im in the hospital now 🥲
lumean: BENNETT WHAT RHE f*ck
eether: YOU DONT DESERVE THIS
fakepirate: feel better bennett ❤️
fakepirate: BACK TO THE TOPIC
fakepirate: VENTI WHO DID U HOOKUP W???
mommy: he's suspiciously quiet
razor:s
razor:sus
monamegasus:YES RAZOR
walnut:OH EM GEE WHAT THE FREAK
walnut:VENTI VENTI VENTI@ventea
iwritesmut:OH MY GOD
iwritesmut:VENTI DID YOU HOOKUP WITH AN ALPHA??
mika:a what??
iwritesmut:AM I GONNA INTRODUCE YOU TO ABO??
iwritesmut:ILL BE AT THE CRYO DORMS IN 10
iwritesmut went offline
mika:???
mika went offline
idrawsmut<3:well
idrawsmut<3:hes gonna be scarred for life /ᐠ-ꞈ-ᐟ\
walnut:3
walnut:2
walnut:1
mika:WHAT RHE f*ck
mika:I AM SCARRED
mika: SCARRED
idrawsmut<3:told u so :>
noelle!:oh my venti!
noelle!:that is... a lot of hickeys!
walnut:WHERE IS THIS LITTLE BRAT@ventea
lumean:MONDSTADTERS RISE@mother @mommy @urlocalbatman @benny @fish @wolfboy @vampire @eulalawrence @barbara:) @monamegasus @sugar @chalk @fakepirate @mika @FLYHIGH @favoniousmaid!
eether:ITS A MIRACLE
eether:A MIRACLE I TELL YOU
eether:VENTI IS
eether:GETTING BITCHES
chalk:wow.
sugar:congratulations venti!! i never thought this day would come!
barbara:):NO WAY THAT DRUNKARD GOT LAID
barbara:):OH LORD BARBATOS
lumean:HELP??!!
eether:OMFG BARBARA TOO??
fakepirate:LET US REJOICE
mika:nice job??
ventea:WTF YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN
ventea:I GET BITCHES
mommy:.
vampire:.
fakepirate:.
mother:sorry venti
mother:.
chalk:.
barbara:):.
ventea:OK f*ck YOU GUYS
ventea: @xiaotheir being mean T-T
xiao:*they're
fakepirate:LMFAO
urlocalbatman:xiao my respect for you has gone up.
lumean:HAH VENT
eether:LOLOL
scarameow:just woke up to venti getting bitches??
scarameow:what next?
scarameow:will cows jump over the moon?? 🫨
ventea:THIS IS SLANDER
ventea:SLANDER I TELL YOU
fakepirate:the real question is
fakepirate:WHO DID U HOOKUP WITH
vampire:im curious too
mommy:who put up with the twink/femboy/starbucks size?
ventea:...
ventea went offline
fakepirate:HEY I NEED TO KNOW
vampire:coward.
lumean:wait
lumean:xiao ur his roomie right?
scarameow:FINALLY
lumean:DO YOU KNOW WHO VENTI HOOKED UP WIT
scarameow:nvm.
xiao:i dont know sorry
eether:imagine if it was xiao lol
lumean:LOL HAH
scarameow:IM LITERALLY GONNA CASTRATE BOTH OF U
lumean:but im not a guy hehe 😝
scarameow: ...
scarameow: ILL GIVE YOU MILLIONS OF PAPERCUTS
scarameow: THEN ILL ROLL YOU IN SALT
scarameow: AND ILL FINALLY DROWN YOU IN LEMON JUICE
kazoo: oh wow.
kazoo: i should write a poem on this...
kazoo: its beautiful 🥹
scarameow: bye.
Notes:
i love slandering my fav characters <3
Chapter 6: who stole the hats??
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
7:00 AM
eether:WAKE UP BITCHES@everyone @everyone @everyone
lumean:ITS THE FIRST DAY OF UNIIIII
ventea:WTF I WAS SLEEPING
eulalawrence:vengeance will be mine!
FLYHIGH:ughhhhh
xiao:shut up.
xiao went offline
sayu added sayu in group chat
sayu named sayu "ninjasayu!"
ninjasayu!:mood.
ninjasayu went offline
ventea:wtf
BOBA:oh this kid
ventea:u know her?
BOBA:you could say that..
cocogoat: venti where are you??
cocogoat: class starts in 2 min
ventea:huh
ventea:i thought it was sunday??
cocogoat: no
ventea:(๏ᆺ๏υ)
ventea:HO SHIET
ventea went offline
ninjasayu!:i ran out of the gummy vitamins that i stole ☹️
ventea:IT WAS YOU 🫵
foxmiko: checks out ngl
foxmiko: sayus short as hell
ninjasayu!: ...
ninjasayu!: im going so bed
ventea: HEY GET BACK HERE
xiao.: let it go
xiao.: its not like ur gonna get any taller
walnut: so true xiao 🙌
ventea: i hate you all ☹️
------------------------------------------------------------------
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
11:02 AM
kazoo: hat.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
9:24 AM
scarameow:MY HAT IS GONE
foxmiko:you mean that big ass frisbee?? 🤪🤨
scarameow: BITCH SHUT UP
BOBA: wtf was the screech in the hydro dorms
xingqiukinnie: i heard it too
xingqiukinnie: i am nothing like the second son of the guhua clan.
walnut: but the hair, yelan :D
xingqiukinnie: MY HAIR IS NOT LIKE HIS
xingqiukinnie: EVEN IF IT WAS, I WAS HERE FIRST
xingqiukinnie: HE WOULD BE THE YELAN KINNIE
idrawsmut<3: uh the screech was furina
idrawmut<3: something about her hat being gone??
ventea: MY BERET
ventea: MY FREAKIN BERTE
ventea: (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)
mommy:my hat is gone :)
mommy: which one of you cuties took it?~
mommy::)
piratekaeya:oh sh*t shes mad
idrawsmut<3:why tf are all the fontainians freaking out??
iwritesmut:most of them wear hats me thinks
idrawsmut<3:oh
idrawsmut<3: welp i dont have a hat so im out 🫡
idrawsmut<3 went offline
urlocalswiftie: MY HAT IS GONE
SAYCHEESE!: MY HAT IS GONE
SAYCHEESE!: MY HATTTTTT
wriotheslay:lmao imagine having a hat
chevreuse!:yes ur not like other girls we get it
lumean:EL EM AYO
eether:ew.
eether:never again lumine.
lumean:um😫 akshually🤓☝️
eether: STFUUUU
scarameow: yea lumine listen to eether for once
eether: *AETHER
lumean: STFU U LITTLE FRISBEE FANDANGO MAN
scarameow: square up little bitch
lumine: FIGHT ME BRAT
scarameow went offline
lumean went offline
eether: tsk tsk
eether: kids these days 😐
lynette: lumine and u are literally twins
magicboy: lumine and u are twins bruh
fremi: hi
lumean: OMG ITS MY CUTIE PATOOTIE ADOPTED BROTHER FREMINET
lumean: ILL TREAT U RIGHT FREMI
lumean: LEMME ADOPT U
lynette: no
magicboy: NO
lumean: YESSS
xiao.: better pay attention lumine
xiao.: scaramouche is beating u rn
lumean: SHUSH CIAO
xiao.: never again. thanks.
walnut: AW MY BIG BRO CIAO SHAO
ventea: AW MY LIL POOKIE WOOKIE DOOKIE BEAR SHEEOW 🥺
zhongli: sheeow?
toiletcleaner: he's tryna say xiao
toiletcleaner: i think???
xiao.: . . .
xiao. went offline
walnut:venti is screwed
walnut:it was nice knowing u bae <3 😣
cocogoat: yea he was with me and he just left
cocogoat: running pretty fast
cocogoat: good luck vent!
cocogoat: *venti
idrawsmut<3: JELP
idrawsmut<3: I WAS AT THE VENDING MACHINE IN THE HYDRO COMMON ROOM RIGHT
idrawsmut<3:TRYNA GET MY MATCHA MILK TEA CUZ I WAS THIRSTY
idrawsmut<3:AND I SEE THIS FLASH OF TEAL AND BLACK???
cocogoat: xiao.
walnut:WAIT WTF ITS BEEN 2 MINUTES AND HE ALREADY PASSED THE HYDRO DORMS??
idrawsmut<3:hu tao your brother is weird
xingqiukinnie:he should join the track team
xingqiukinnie:ill recruit him when he comes online
cocogoat: i think hes in volleyball already
detective:xiao is here lolol
xingqiukinnie:wow
idrawsmut<3:WTF
fakepirate: JUST HOW FAST IS THIS KID
ventea:GELPEFJNIFWRJjsda'
ventea went offline
lumean:lol rip venti
eether:wait hold up
eether:just scrolled up
eether:xiao u were with ganyu??
eether:are you dating ganyu?
idrawsmut<3:I THOUGHT THEY WERE SIBLINGS WTF
xiao.:NO WTF
xiao.:SHES LIKE A LITTLE SISTER TO ME
cocogoat: GUYS WHAT IS WRONG WITH U
lumean:then r u dating hu tao?
walnut:NO!!!
xiao.:I AM LOSING BRAINCELLS
xiao.:SHES ALSO A SIBLING
eether:zhongli?
xiao.:HES LIKE MY FATHER WHAT
xiao.:I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE
xiao.:IM DATING VENTI OK
lumean:what
eether:what
lumean:WHAT THE f*ck NO WAY
eether:WHATTTTTT@ventea
ventea:what? (◑‿◐)
ventea:oh xiao u told them??
ventea:yes everyone me and xiao are together
ventea:٩(◕‿◕)۶
walnut:NO WAY WHAT
walnut:BAE U DITCHED ME
walnut:WTV UR MY BROTHER-IN-LAW NOW
ventea:YES BAE IM PART OF THE FAMILY
cocogoat: congratulations!!
IAMTHELAW:OMFG FINALLY
scarameow:IKR I WAS LEGIT DYING
scarameow:YALL ARE SO OBLIVIOUS
lumean:i cant believe this
lumean:is my whole life a lie aswell?
eether: @everyoneSCROLL UP
zhongli:?
zhongli:no.
zhongli:NO
zhongli:WHY?
zhongli:XIAO PLEASE
zhongli:WHY VENTI OUT OF EVERYONE
ventea:damn i hate u too bitch
xiao.:...
xiao.:i love him a lot
ventea:aw xiao ilyt <3
zhongli:ADIEFHNOFIHRBFO
toiletcleaner:i think hes having a stroke
zhongli went offline
aya<3:congrats venti and xiao <3
idrawsmut<3:congrats!!!
idrawsmut<3:wait hold up
idrawsmut<3:OMG U TWO ARE THE ONES I SAW MAKING OUT IN THE CORNER YESTERDAY
idrawsmut<3:LMFAO
xiao. went offline
ventea went offline
fakepirate:WAIT SO
fakepirate:XIAO WAS THE ONE THAT GAVE HIM THOSE HICKEYS??
vampire:LMFAO
mommy:venti~
mommy:gimme all the details of ur love life cutie~
mother:leave them alone lisa
mother:congrats btw!
furina<3:congratsss <3
furina<3:never thought id see venti dating someone
furina<3:let alone xiao..
ninjasayu!:congrats.
ninjasayu!:im sleeping now.
aya<3:sayu u slept like 5 minutes ago
ninjasayu!:...
ninjasayu! went offline
Notes:
this chapter was brought to you by the kazuha hat meme 🤓
Chapter 7: insanity.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
3:17 PM
idrawsmut<3:AYAYA@aya<3
aya<3:yea??
idrawsmut<3:i got leftovers from anna!!
idrawsmut<3: u want sum?
aya<3:YES PLS
lumean:hey what about me 😡
aya<3: ill share with u bby 😘
lumean: i love u bby 😍
aya<3: love u too bby 🥰
eether: man shut the f*ck up
lumean:wow the single rat is sour
ventea: @idrawsmut<3 anna??
idrawsmut<3:kiminami anna
idrawsmut<3:have u seen the new inazuman restaurant that popped up?
idrawsmut<3:yea i work at kiminami restaurant
idrawsmut<3:with kirara@catgirl
catgirl:yep yep :D
ventea:OH YEA I NEED TO TAKE XIAO THERE
zhongli:Hello everyone.
ventea:ITS ON MY LIST OF THINGS TO DO
xiao.:you havent touched your to do list in a year
zhongli:The student council has an announcement.
ventea:SHHHHH THEY DONT NEED TO KNOW THAT
xiao.:venti shush zhongli has an announcement
ventea:MY TO DO LIST IS NOT THAT OLDDD
zhongli:Please refrain from texting Venti.
ventea:nah im good :3
zhongli:...
zhongli:You would look lovely with your head hanging on my wall and your skin as a mat. :)
ventea:oh.
ventea went offline
gimmedango:heh
xiao.:oh.
lumean:ZHONGLI???
eether:OMG ZHONGLI
toiletcleaner: omg thats so hot 🤤
toiletcleaner: ride me bby <3
scarameow: Ajax Childe Tartaglia.
scarameow: I will invert your teeth and use it as a back scratcher for Paimon.
lumean: ah yes our dear little sister.
toiletcleaner: chill dude
toiletcleaner: unless u wanna ride me?? /hj
scarameow: take out the half rite now.
eether: rite now
ventea: rite😣😖 now🫣 pookie🥺
lumean: rite neow
scarameow: square up bitch
lumean: FIGHT ME BRAT
scarameow went offline
lumean went offline
ventea: deju vu fr
eether: hold up gotta put a leash on lumi
xiao.: please tell me you were joking
eether: she was awlays a feral kid
lumean: i was always a feral kid
xiao.: sigh
ventea: THE INNER ROLEPLAYING COMING OUT???
detective: *smirks*
iwritesmut:hey shawty *leans on the wall sexily*
xiao.: archons help you when im done with you venti
mommy: oh~
scarameow: NO SPARE ME
scarameow: IVE HEARD ENOGUH OF U TWO
scarameow: THE WALLS ARE SO f*ckING THIN
xiao.: what
ventea: HUH?
fakepirate: 🤯
ninjasayu!: damn yall wilding fr
mommy: venti~
ventea: NO LISA I WONT TELL U ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE
walnut: so.
walnut: who tops and who bottoms??
zhongli: Hu Tao. Please.
ventea: HU TAO WTF
fakepirate: with what dick would venti top??
walnut: wait hes trans??
walnut: bae u didnt tell me? 😢
fakepirate: no he prob has a small dick lolol
xiao.: STOP DISCUSSING THIS.
kaching!: not xiao pulling out the caps lolol
ventea: I HAVE A DICK
ventea: AND ITS THICK AND JUICY
xiao.: VENTI SHUT THE f*ck UP PLEASE
mommy: no i still need to know
mommy: c'mon xiao mondstadt and liyue are literally betting rn
cYES: is betting closed
mommy: unfortunately betting is closed but you can still guess~
cYES: going for bottom venti
masterarchitechtUwU: uhhh
alhaitham: don't even.
alhaitham: unless you want to put yourself in more debt.
masterarchitechtUwU: ALHAITHAM
imakeweed: man just stfu and kiss
imakeweed: i vote bottom xiao btew
walnut: I VOTE TOP XIAO BOTTOM VENTI
fakepirate: same
zhongli: This is a highly inappropriate discussion.
ninjasayu!:bottom venti
detective: yea its pretty obvious
lumean:im going for bottom venti
eether:mmm bottom xiao
toiletcleaner:me thinks bottom xiao
ventea:WE WILL NOT TELL
xiao.:you arent getting any money
scarameow:i volunteer
scarameow:i can hear EVERYTHING through those paper thin walls
scarameow:drumroll please~
mommy:tell us~
fakepirate:PLEASE TELL US
walnut:WE MUST KNOW
mother:i am also very curious
ninjasayu!:i want money
scarameow:its...
toiletcleaner:OMG JUST TELL US
scarameow:bitch stfu u have no need for money
scarameow:anyways
scarameow:its...
scarameow:bottom...
scarameow:venti.
mommy:HAHA PAY UP BITCH@vampire
mother:ahem.
mommy:sorry jean dear...
vampire:ugh
toiletcleaner:DAMN IT
detective:a detective instinct is always right ☝️
cookie:sure...
lumean: HEHEHE @eether
eether:OK ILL PAY U SSTOP LOOKIGN AT ME LIKE THAT
ventea:SCARA
xiao.:raiden kunikuzushi.
gimmedango:im raiden
ventea:no not u ei
scarameow:its what you get AFTER SHAGGING EVERY f*ckING NIGHT
scarameow:MY EARS ARE SCARRED
scarameow: "oh archons, xiao harder~"
scarameow:"spread your legs ven~"
scarameow:BOTH OF U STFU
scarameow:YOU WILL PAY FOR MY THERAPY
detective:wtf how did im literally ur roommate how did i not hear this
scarameow:ur out with kuki literally 90% of the time
ventea:I-
callmemadame!:HELP VENTIS FACE IS SO RED
lynette:Ive never seen anyone this red.
detective:are yall in the anemo common room
lynette:yes
callmemadame!:not to worry!
callmemadame!: I have a picture!
callmemadame!:[a picture of venti as red as a tomato, squished in between one of the couches in the anemo common room]
xiao.:i will murder you, kabukimono.
xiao. went offline
toiletclearner:how many names does he have??
zhongli:This is not happening.
zhongli:This is not happening.
zhongli:This is not happening.
walnut:OH ITS DEFINITELY HAPPENING PEEPAW
ventea went offline
fakepirate:HEHEH IM COMING TO HARASS U VENTI
ninjasayu!:heh
Notes:
happy valentine's day everyone !!
and hbd beidou <3
Chapter 8: venti hu tao and furina. need i say more???
Chapter Text
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO🍵
7:05 PM
detective:sayu wtf are you doing in here
detective:dont u have curfew?
cookie:sayu?? what curfew?
detective:sayu is my cousin lol
detective:she goes to teyvat prep
detective:you know, the hs close to the uni??
cookie:ohhh
detective:anyways,,
detective:sayu u better tell me what ur doing here@ninjasayu!
idrawsmut<3:lol i gave her extra ramen
idrawsmut<3:shes a 10th grader!
idrawsmut<3:she needs food to study! ૮₍ ˶•⤙•˶ ₎ა
ninjasayu!:kimi is right :D
ninjasayu!:thats why shes replacing u as my cousin heizou!!
detective:NOOO SAYU
scarameow:sayus stealing my cousin??
scarameow:yay
idrawsmut<3: DAMN KUNI I THOUGHT WE WERE HOMIES
scarameow:thats was before you put my ringtone as A WHIMPERING AUDIO
scarameow:AND CALLED ME WHILE I WAS IN CLASS
scarameow:SO YES, KIYOMI, WE WERE HOMIES
ventea:kimi we are going to get along very well!
ventea:ehe~
scarameow:u want me to expose more of what u said in bed??
ventea went offline
detective:kimis secretly a devil in disguise??
scarameow:dont let her kaomojis let u think otherwise
cookie:hold up
cookie: ur actual name is kiyomi?
detective:how?
BOBA:i didnt know this
aya<3:bitch i told u 3 days ago
lumean:LMAO AYA??
xiao.:wait i just remembered
xiao.:didnt zhongli have an announcement??
zhongli:Yes, before I was so rudely interrupted byyourboyfriend.
xiao.:i-im sowwy zhongwee 🥺👉👈
zhongli: What the f*ck.
toiletcleaner: WTF
moneymommy: uh.
piratemommy: XIAO STOP GETTING INFLUENCED BY VENTI
walnut: HUEHUEHUE
idrawsmut: what the actual frick frack snikitty snack
chefxiangling!: erm🧐what the actual🤓 frick😣😖 frack🥺 snikitty snack🥴
popsicle: does xiao need an exorcism??
xingqiukinnie: probably
shenhe.: most definitely
yunjinnie: yes
IAMTHELAW: why are all the liyueans online
IAMTHELAW: XIAO????
xiao.: sorry my phone got stolen by ven and tao
xiao.: what happened
ventea: TEEHEEHEE
xiao.: ...
xiao.: venti come here u little sh*t :)
xiao. went offline
ventea: oh shIEONWOEFJ
ventea went offline
walnut: my bae venti 🤧
xiao.: you are next.
walnut:
walnut went offline
ninjasayu!:hey i want cute stickers of me
aya<3:me too!
YOIMIYA!!!:ME THREE!
ninjasayu!:where did u get them?
walnut:lmao i asked kimi@idrawsmut<3to make them
ninjasayu!:can u make some for me pls
idrawsmut<3:actually i have some for everyone (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
idrawsmut<3:check ur dms everyone •ᴗ•
furina<3:
furina<3:HEHEH I LIKE THESE
walnut:YES BESTIE THESE ARE SO AWESOME
ventea:u ditching me bae? >:(
walnut:NO WERE ALL BESTIES
furina<3:LETS BE A TRIO
ventea:WE ARE VENTAOFURI
furina<3:venfuritao??
walnut:taofuven?
furina<3:yes
ventea:
ventea:thats a yes btw :P
furina<3:WE SHOULD MEET UP
walnut:theres a cafe downtown !!
ventea:LETS GO RN
monsieurnoovi:Do not let them meet under any circ*mstances.
zhongli:Agreed.
mother: Defininitely.
ventea:why? >:(
xiao.:...
xiao.:do you remember what happened the last time u and tao met up?
walnut:WE ONLY BLEW UP A FEW THINGS
walnut:and klee and yoimiya were there too :<
xiao.:a few things...?
urlocalbatman:YOU BLEW UP MY DOOR??
ROCKNROLL:DONT FORGET MY GUITAR
thomathetrain: and my teapot...
magicboy:and my special deck of cards >:(
dehyadeeznuts:yoimiya's fireworks blew up in our dorm
FLYHIGH: girl u just bunked with dunyarzad
lumean:worst week of my life
lumean:i felt so single
dehyadeeznuts:girl stfu
aya<3:what was that.
popsicle:am i hearing things???
wriotheslay:what the f*ck was that sound.
fakepirate: i think my ears are blind
urlocalbatman:*deaf
fakepirate:STFU DILUC THERE ARE MORE PRESSING MATTER TO ATTEND TO
cocogoat:MY DORM
cocogoat:MY DORM!!!!
cocogoat:ALL MY PAPERS ARE GONE
cocogoat:ALL MY WORK!
cocogoat:AHHHHHHH
kaching!:girl ur going crazy
xiao.:ganyu what happened???
fremi:i think the dorms blew up
mother:the dorm what.
vampire:dang
vampire: im out
eulalawrence:I WILL HAVE VENGEANCE.
shenhe.:what eula said.
SAYCHEESE:the perfect scoop for the steambird!
idrawsmut<3:whats the steambird??
SAYCHEESE:teyvat uni's official gossip blog!!
SAYCHEESE:run by yours truly! ;)
mika: oh dear...
wriotheslay:who tf did this
wriotheslay:now i have a ton of paperwork
wriotheslay:I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS??
mother:venti.
monsieurnoovi:furina.
zhongli.:hu tao.
furina<3:um.
ventea:oops!
hu tao:aiya!
mother:I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE
mother: STUDENT COUNCIL STUDENTS COME ONLINE
ventea:uh
ventea:here?
furina<3:...here
gimmedango:present.
twig:everybody hold hands!
wriotheslay:here
urlocalbatman:here
zhongli:Present.
monsieurnoovi:Here.
kujousara:here.
feeblescholar:here.
moneymommy:present.
mother:we have a situation
feeblescholar:i can see that
moneymommy:i am willing to personally donate money to fix the dorms
mother:Thank you so much Ningguang!
moneymommy:however.
moneymommy:venti, hu tao, and furina.
walnut:im here...
ventea:uh yes
furina<3:Present!!
moneymommy:you three will clean the bathrooms top to bottom for the rest of the school year.
moneymommy:Allof them.
ventea:
walnut:
furina<3:
furina<3:Miss Ningguang!
furina<3:surely you can think things through again !!
ventea:PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS
ventea:ANYTHING ELSE
piratemommy:aw cmon ning
piratemommy:maybe you can excuse my fellow drinking buddy and his friends??
moneymommy:no.
ventea:aww :(
walnut:aiya! too bad...
xiao.:you all have no one to blame but yourselves
ventea:it was an honest accident!
xiao.:this happened twice venti
xiao.:ganyu and the others have to find somewhere else to stay now.
ventea:...
ventea:fine, it was all my fault.
ventea went offline
xiao.:wait ven
xiao.:i didn't say it was all your fault
xiao. went offline
walnut: ...yikes
mother: @everyonethe cryo students need a place to stay for a week or two.
lumean:ayaka can stay with me! <3
lumean:HEHEH REVENGE ON DUNYARZAD
dunya<3::(
idrawsmut<3:layla can stay with me and furina !! ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
furina<3:wait don't tell me she slept thru this 😂
idrawsmut<3: lmao lemme ping her@let.me.sleep.
let.me.sleep.:?
let.me.sleep.: oh
let.me.sleep.: yea ill room with furina and kimi
let.me.sleep. went offline
fakepirate: im staying off campus!
mother: where?
fakepirate: with a friend
------------------------------------------------------------------
Private chat: Jean → Kaeya
8:23 PM
jeenie: you're staying with dain right?
jeenie: i need to know for your safety
kae: yep
kae: i already let wriothesley know
jeenie: ok.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO🍵
8:26 PM
wriotheslay:uh i need somewhere to go
monsiernoovi:Feel free to stay with Ayato and I.
wriotheslay:thanks neuvi 😍
furina: BACK🤺 BACK I SAY🤺
wriotheslay: okay?
walnut:ganyu can stay with me and xiangling !!
chefxiangling!:yep yep!
cocogoat:thank you :>
chevreuse.:charlotte will stay with me and yanfei.
fremi:i can stay with lyney and his roommate
fremi:if hes fine with it ofc
benny:im in the hospital anyways !! 😁
fremi: oh
fremi: feel better :)
benny: thank you!!
lumean: SO WHOLESOME
popsicle: ill just stay with qiu
toiletcleaner: ahem
popsicle: and childe
mother: Eula do you want to stay with me?
eulalawrence: I will have vengeance for this act of kindness!
eulalawrence: yes please
xingqiukinnie: shenhe's with us
vampire: uh
urlocalswiftie: ur with us!!!
mika: hi
zhongli: I have just been reminded.
zhongli: @eether @lumean
zhongli: Can I have admin privileges?
lumean made zhongli an admin
zhongli: Thank you.
zhongli added gaming and xianyun
xiangyun: one has finally been added to this group chat!
gaming: hello everyone!
shenhe.:auntie, gaming, hello.
cocogoat:AUNTIE?
urlocalbatman: Gaming will be staying in Pyro 7C
zhongli:I suppose mika could room with him.
gaming:no problemo!!!
eether named gaming "woushou!"
eether named xianyun "anemom"
ventea:xiangyun will stay with jean in Anemo 4A!
anemom: one is fine with this arrangement.
mother: i think everything is sorted!
ventea:wait i thought jean was the anemo mom
lumean:no shes just mother in general
eether:hence her user!
ventea:i feel like we're forgetting someone
zhongli:ah.
zhongli added aloy
aloy:wow took yall long enough
ventea:I FORGOT ABOUT U LMFAO
aloy:thanks
toiletcleaner:no way.
toiletcleaner:no way.
aloy:LMAO AJAX???
toiletcleaner:ALOY???
lumean:hello what
eether:spill the tea man
toiletcleaner: she's my distant cousin lolol
lumean:HWAT
eether:HWATN
aloy:never thought id see ur neon ginger hair again
toiletcleaner:we have the same hair
aloy:no.
aloy:im not neon.
urlocalbatman:hell no another snezhnayan?
fakepirate:DILUC IS RACIST CAUGHT IN 4K?!? 😨😰🫢📸📸📸
urlocalbatman:a snezhnayan killed my father.
toiletcleaner:damn uh
aloy:mb shawty
aloy:fr tho
aloy:anyways, i have no where to stay
zhongli:*nowhere
aloy:SHHHH
callmemadame!:you can stay with me!
aloy:THANK YOU WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS
callmemadame!:faruzan!
callmemadame!:its madame faruzan to you!
lumean named callmemadame! "madam"
madam:thank you lumine!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO🍵
12:06 AM
xiao.:my bf is mad at me :(
eether:wtf happened to him
lumean:im guessing beidou and beer
piratemommy:i didn kno he was gun bee a leighweyt??
cocogoat:*i didn't know he was gonna be a lightweight
moneymommy:oh dear rex lapis
kaching!:i have a body pillow of him
xiao.:KEQING WTF???
kaching!:the real wuestion is
kaching!:how tf do u type with any mistake while durnk???
xiao.:because
xiao.:i want to
Chapter 9: 🔥 SIGNORA IS A BITCH RAHHHH 🔥
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
9:26 AM
xiao.:hi
xiao.:i have already spilled the tea
xiao.:pls change the name
ventea:no pls bby this name is iconic 🥹
lumean: NO LETS CHANGE IT
eether: COME UP WITH SMTH EVEN MORE ICONIC
toiletcleaner: UGHHH PLEASE HELP ME
toiletcleaner: [ayaka and lumine sitting at a lunch table, ayaka leaning onto lumine's shoulder].jpg
toiletcleaner: I FEEL SO GAWDDAMN SINGLE
lumean: hehehe
lumean: wait ur literally dating zhongli
toiletcleaner: we broke up lol
toiletcleaner: still friends tho
------------------------------------------------------------------
Private chat: Kiyomi → Scaramouche
9:27 AM
kimi: hehehe
kimi: YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS
kuni: no??
kimi: U HAVE A CHANCE WITH TARTAGLIA (∩˃o˂∩)♡
kuni: kimi wtf he's fresh out of a breakup
kimi: so i did some digging...
kimi: they broke up 2 weeks ago
kimi: AND IT WASNT EVEN A MESSY ONE
kimi: THEYRE FRIENDS
kuni: it doesnt matter
kuni: ajax doesnt even like me like that
kimi: we'll make him like u!!!
kuni: im too tired for this convo
kuni went offline
------------------------------------------------------------------
Private chat: Scaramouche → Heizou
9:28 AM
scarapookie!!: omg venti and xiao finally made up
heipookie!!:
heipookie!!:thank god
heipookie!!: i did not want to have to sit thru that sh*t for another 3 days
heipookie!!:yknow i heard a new inazuman restaurant popped up
heipookie!!:reviews say it's rlly good
heipookie!!:PLEASE COME WITH ME
scarapookie!!:...will u pay
heipookie:ugh yes
scarapookie!!:OK ILL COME
heipookie:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
9:32 AM
ventea: THINK OF GOOD GC NAMES AETHER
eether: IM TRYING
eether: LUMI HELP ME
lumean: IDK EITHER MAN
furina<3: yall suck at this lmao
ventea: u come up with better names then >:(
furina<3: ...
furina<3: have yall seen the live action atla show?
ventea: YESSS IT WAS AC NOT THAT BAD
scarameow: atla???
ventea: omg
furina<3: you don't know...Avatar The Last Airbender??
idrawsmut<3: that show was my childhood fr
scarameow: ohhh
scarameow: yea i watched it
lumean: I LOVED IT
eether: ong it was great
xiao.: tbh i didnt like azula's casting
xiao.: she didn't look that scary
idrawsmut<3: yea i agree
idrawsmut<3: shes supposed to give off like scary, psycotic vibes
scarameow: *psychotic
idrawsmut<3: ANYWAYS
idrawsmut<3: yea i think they shouldve picked sm w sharper features
lumean: WAIT GUYS
lumean: FANCAST ATLA CHARACTERS AS THE GC MEMBERS
scarameow:i vote venti for aang
lumean: agreed
eether:agreed
xiao.:i agree
idrawsmut<3:for sure
furina<3:yes.
xiao.:i feel like aether and lumi would be sokka and katara
furina<3:wait...
furina<3:hm that could work
eether:wait does that mean venti and lumi would end up together
ventea:NO I HAVE A BF
lumean:yeaa no
xiao.:no.
eether:okkkk
idrawsmut<3:okok what about zuko?
ventea:OMG I HAVE THE PERFECT GUY
ventea:KUNI
scarameow:i dont see it.
furina<3:WAIT OMG THATS PERFECT
ventea:AND EI CAN BE OZAI
furina<3:MAKOTO CAN BE IROH
ventea:wait miko could also be iroh
furina<3:how about suki?
scarameow:i think kimi gives off suki vibes
idrawsmut<3:yey my fav character <3
furina<3:how about azula??
scarameow:honestly i think signora would make a good azula
ventea:hate that bitch >:(
lumean:why
eether:do you not remember her kicking venti off the stairs
eether:he was in the hospital for a while
lumean: oh.
lumean:oh yea.
lumean:oh my god i remember xiao got so pissed
eether:HE WAS ABOUT TO GO FERAL
xiao.:i was not.
eether: DUDE YOU WOULVE BEATEN HER UP IF I WASNT THERE
xiao.:...
ventea:wait i did not know about this
xiao.:ok but remember ei
lumean:SHII IM STILL SCARED OF EI A BIT
ventea:???
eether:venti do you not know why signora transfered out
ventea:no??
lumean:lmao ei beat her up
ventea:WAIT WHAT @gimmedango
gimmedango:what
gimmedango:oh yeah
gimmedango went offline
ventea:WHATT
ventea:wtv she deserved it for kicking me down the stairs >:(
furina<3: precisely why signora would make a good azula !!
ventea:tbh mei could be azula too
ventea:since shes kuni's sister as well
toiletcleaner: wait i thought ei was scara's sister??
idrawsmut<3:kuni has 3 sisters: ei, mei, and makoto.
scarameow: ei and makoto are the oldest, then me, then mei.
toiletcleaner: huh
toiletcleaner: u learn smth new everyday
toiletcleaner: wait where is mei then?
scarameow:shes a senior is hs
toiletcleaner: and makoto?
scarameow:she goes to celestia uni
ventea:my twin goes there !!
mother:you have a twin??
mommy:dang
fakepirate:EXCUSME
urlocalbatman:oh my god theres another one
ventea:lol my twin isn't really like me
ventea:he's like,,, an angel ig
ventea:which is why my parents love him more
lumean:oh.
urlocalbatman:sorry
urlocalbatman went offline
ventea:what did i do??
eether:venti we love u
lumean:yes we do <3
xiao.:yes we love u
furina<3:WE LOVE U
scarameow:i dont hate being around u
ventea took a screenshot
ventea:THANK YOU GUYS OMG UR GONNA MAKE ME TREAR UP
ventea:KUNIIII OMG THIS IS THE NICEST THING UV SAID TO ME
ventea:anyways... who is ty lee???
idrawsmut<3:i vote hu tao@walnut
xiao.:oh yea for sure
walnut:I ACCEPT MY ROLE WITH PRIDE :DD
furina<3:what about mai?
lumean:mei could work
scarameow:I AM NOT ENDING UP WITH MY SISTER WTF
lumean:sh*t I FORGOR
eether:LMAO LUMI
idrawsmut<3:guys i love suki
scarameow:we know
idrawsmut<3:shes so badass
scarameow:we know
idrawsmut<3:you have a praise kink
scarameow:we know
scarameow:NO I DONT WTF
ventea, xiao., furina<3, and 3+ took a screenshot
Notes:
teehee
Chapter 10: jail trip !!
Chapter Text
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
ventea:Hello.
xiao.:who are u
xiao.:venti doesn't use punctuation or capitalize his words
eether: lmao
ventea:NO ITS ME 😭
ventea: uh
ventea: i may or may not be in jail right now
lumean: venti what the f*ck
kazoo: i knew it would happen eventually
xiao.: ...
eether: what did u even go to jail for???
ventea: ...
ventea: i accidentally stole a DDR machine
xiao.: YOU WHAT
furina<3: HOW THE f*ck DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY STEAL A DDR MACHINE
ventea: and a box of cheerios 🤪
kazoo: "and a box of cheerios" 💀
ventea:
lumean:venti try not to do something stupid for 10 seconds: failed
ventea:IT WASNT MY FAULT
ventea:KUNI WAS WITH ME
ventea:HES RIGHT NEXT TO ME RN
scarameow:YOU ROPED ME INTO THIS YOU LIL sh*t
scarameow:IM GONNA KILL U WHEN WE GET OUT
ventea:I WASNT THE ONE THROWING GANG SIGNS AT A CASHIER WHO WAS AN EX-POLICEMAN
scarameow:HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE WAS AN EX POLICEMAN???
ventea:YOU DONT GO THROWING GANG SIGNS AT STRANGERS !!!
xiao.:let me get this straight
xiao.:you and scara are in jail
xiao.:because you stole a DDR machine and a box of cheerios
ventea:and because kuni was acting like a gangster
xiao.:and because kuni was acting like a gangster
scarameow:yeah u got everything
ventea:wait no i also stole tampons
xiao.:WHAT THE f*ck WOULD YOU NEED THAT FOR
ventea:i paint it to look like a rat and leave it in kaeya's room 😇
fakepirate:THAT WAS YOU??
fakepirate:f*ck YOU
ventea: 😇😇😇
xiao.: i'll bail you two out
ventea: YAY TY XIAO ILYSM
xiao.: but when we get home you and i will have aseriousdiscussion.
ventea: but i dont want to have a serius dicisusion
ventea: dicussion
ventea: disscusion
ventea: dicusion
zhongli: discussion
ventea: yes thanks blockhead !!
zhongli:ew.
ventea:STFU
ventea:their taking our phones away 😓
zhongli: *they're
ventea: yea yea wtv
walnut: ok i just backread 🤭
walnut: YESSSSS
walnut: VENTI, KAEYA, CHILDE, OR ME GOING TO JAIL IS CROSSED OFF THE 2024 BINGO CARD
walnut: also xiao can i come with u ٩(◕‿◕。)۶
xiao.: no
walnut:╭∩╮( •̀_•́ )╭∩╮
xiao.: no.
fakepirate: DAMN IT WHY DIDNT I HAVE THAT SPACE
toiletcleaner: ☹️
scarameow:WAIT A DMAN MINUTE
scarameow:VENTI DID U DO THIS ON PURPOSE
scarameow:JUST TO GET SMTH OFF UR f*ckING 2024 BINGO CARD CROSSED OFF???
ventea:ehe
ventea:no?
ventea: y̶e̶a̶ I̶ t̶o̶t̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ d̶i̶d̶
xiao.:VENTI U GREMLIN
xiao.:U CAN ROT IN THE COLD DIRTY JAIL CELL TONIGHT
scarameow:NO XIAO GET ME OUTTA HERE
scarameow:PLEASE
xiao.:u f*cking owe me kunikuzushi 'scaramouche' kabukimono raiden
idrawsmut<3:damn the government name got pulled out
scarameow:YES PLEASE NOW GET ME OUTTA HERE
scarameow:I THINK VENTI PISSED OFF OUR CELLMATE
fakepirate:thats standard venti behavior
toiletcleaner:honestly yea
xiao.:ok so what's the problem
scarameow:NO U DONT GET IT
scarameow:THAT GUY'S THIGH IS THE SIZE OF VENTI'S WAIST
scarameow:HES GONNA LAND HIMSELF IN THE HOSPTAL
scarameow:AND DRAG ME WITH HIM
furina<3:y'know that sounds like wriothesley
wriotheslay:thanks
wriotheslay:im a gym rat 💪🦵
scarameow: GET ME OUTTA HERE
xiao.: im going to f*cking kill venti when I get there
xiao.: MAKE SURE HE DOESNT DIE SCARA
xiao.: MY ETA IS 2 MIN
scarameow: IM CONCERNEDD FOR MY LIFE THANK YOU VERY MUCH
kazoo: me an heizou r with xiao too
⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆
"He is so f*cking stupid," Heizou chuckled. Xiao sighed.
"That's why I'm in love with him."
"I think its sweet," Kazuha lazily grinned.
"Are you on weed?"
"...No."
"LIAR!" Hu Tao popped up from the trunk.
Everyone screamed as Xiao swerved the car, only narrowly avoiding a car crash.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL f*ck? TAO?" Xiao shrieked.
"Uh... actually I'm here too." Furina popped up, the two girls side by side in the truck.
"WHAT THE HELL? I COULD HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND CRASHED THE CAR!"
"Why are you two even here?" Kazuha asked, confused.
Furina spoke up. "Hu Tao dragged me into this!"
Everyone turned to look at Hu Tao, who just shrugged.
⋆.˚✮🎧✮˚.⋆
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO 🍵
walnut:just got venti and scara out 😍
idrawsmut<3:i thought xiao didn't let u go ( •̀ - •́ )
walnut:hehe
walnut:
fakepirate:hehe?
toiletcleaner:...u snuck in didnt u?
ventea changed idrawsmut<3 username to "kiyomeow"
ventea:u match with scara now !!
scarameow:ew its my cousin
scarameow:
kiyomeow: BROTHER EUGHHHH (•᷄ࡇ•᷅ )
ventea: family in their natural habitat 🦍
scarameow:WE ARE FREEEEEEE
scarameow:THE AIR IS SO FRESH
xiao.: he just f*cking kissed the crusty sidewalk
kazoo:ily but i am NOT kissing u until u wash ur mouth
scarameow:LEAVE ME ALONE I THOUGHT IT WAS MY LAST DAY ON TEYVAT
kiyomeow:...what
scarameow:sh*t
kazoo:...
kazoo:bye bye
kazoo:
kiyomeow:scaramouche.
scarameow:I WAS WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO TELL U OK
kiyomeow:IVE BEEN TRYING TO SET U UP WITH EVERYONE
kiyomeow:JUST TO FIND OUT U HAVE A BF???
scarameow:IM SORRY I OWE U ONE
kiyomeow:...
kiyomeow:i want udon noodles, omelette rice, mixed yakisoba, and sweet shrimp sushi ASAP
kiyomeow:oh, and dango milk !!
kiyomeow:thank you scara ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )
scarameow:i despise you and your existence
kiyomeow:lyt cuz <3
Chapter 11: THE SPIRIT OF ROCK N' ROLL 🔥🎸
Notes:
tw: mentions of sexual harassment and one line of gore
Chapter Text
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO🍵
THEONEANDONI:WASSUP DUDES AND DUDETTES
ninjasayu!:its too early for this.
THEONEANDONI: 🔥🔥🔥I, ARATAKI ITTO INVITE YOU TO MY RAD RADICAL ROCK N' ROLL CONCERT🔥🔥🔥
THEONEANDONI:
THEONEANDONI:BE THERE OR BE SQUARE
ninjasayu!:dont rad and radical mean the same thing
cookie:hes been planning this for a month
cookie:please try to be there so we can get this over with
cookie:especially the inazumans
ROCKNROLL:YOU HAD ME AT ROCK N ROLL
THEONEANDONI:XINYAN MY DUDE
cookie: *dudette
THEONEANDONI:WILL YOU BE ON STAGE
ROCKNROLL:HELL YEAH
ROCKNROLL:
THEONEANDONI:THIS IS AWESOME
THEONEANDONI:LETS MEET UP AND PRACTICE
THEONEANDONI:
ROCKNROLL:BE THERE IN A SEC
ventea:HEY I WANNA PERFORM TOO
lumean:u gonna rock n roll on the lyre? 🤨
ventea:I HAVE MY VOICE
ventea:WAIT GUYS @xiao. @detective @kazoo @scarameow
ventea:WE SHOULD BE A GROUP
ventea:
xiao.:i think the f*ck not
ventea:PLEASEEEE IT WOULD BE SO FUN
detective:i know how to play the keytar 😏
scarameow:
ventea: CMON SCARA I KNOW YOU CAN PLAY ON THE DRUMS
scarameow: fine
kazoo: i can do bass
ventea: YAY
ventea:
ventea: XIAO WE'RE ONLY MISSING U
ventea: pls pls pls 🙏🙏🙏
xiao.: i dont play any instruments
ventea:
kazoo:
detective:
scarameow:
scarameow: xiao.
scarameow: u have a guitar in ur room.
kazoo: i just remembered the guitar incident 😂
kiyomeow: guitar incident??
kaching!: wait this is so funny lmfao
kaching!: so xiao got into a fight with someone last year
kaching!: and the guy tried to snatch xiao's e-guitar off his back
detective: e-guitar??
scarameow: electric guitar now shush
kaching!: ok so the guy accidentally broke one of his strings
kaching!: AND YOU KNOW WHAT XIAO DID???
kaching!: HE f*ckING THREW THE GUY OUT OF THE WINDOW 😂
kiyomeow: 💀💀💀
kiyomeow: remind me to never touch xiao's guitar (ᵕ—ᴗ—)
ventea: NO CAUSE I FREAKING BROKE ONE OF HIS STRINGS AND HE WOULDNT TALK TO ME FOR A WEEK (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )
xiao.: and i would do it again
scarameow: no u f*cking wouldn't 💀
scarameow: u and i both know u were dying on the inside
kiyomeow: wait why did xiao get into a fight
kiyomeow: and how tf did he not get kicked out??
detective:i think the guy was harassing ganyu
xiao.:that f*cker tried to touch her when she was walking to class too
xiao.:i should've done worse but ganyu stopped me
cocogoat:i didn't want u to get kicked out ☹️
xiao.:it would've been worth it to put that mf 6 feet under
walnut: everyone was too scared to ask ganyu out after that 💀
xiao.: good.
xiao.: no one is good enough for her
walnut: he also tried to take a picture up my skirt !!
xiao.: HE WHAT.
detective: oh my god what
ventea: WTF BAE
kazoo: hu tao u should report him
scarameow: OH HELL NAH 🤢🤢🤢
xiao.: WHEN I SEE THAT f*ckING MOTHERf*ckER HES GONNA BEG FOR MERCY.
xiao.: THE PIECE OF sh*t WILL BE PUT INTO A COMA.
walnut:ITS FINE I THREATENED TO SEND HIM TO AN EARLY GRAVE
walnut:i think he only left because a teacher came tho ☹️
xiao.: but if I ever cross paths with that little bitchass, i'll cut off his fingers one by one and then disembowel him.
scarameow: i think ningguang convinced the admin not to kick him out
detective: more like threatened them
------------------------------------------------------------------
Private chat: Ganyu → Keqing
yuyu:we have to tell him at some point
keqinggg: 💀
keqinggg: im gonna be six ft under the second u tell him
keqinggg: DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME DEAD 😭
yuyu: YOU'LL BE FINE
yuyu: ...hopefully
keqinggg: ...
------------------------------------------------------------------
Group chat: SPILL THE TEA XIAO🍵
ventea:ANYWAYS
ventea:XIAO PLEASEEE
xiao.:huh
xiao.:oh
xiao.:no
ventea:PLEASE I BEG YOUUUU
ventea:ILL DO ANYTHING
xiao.:...
xiao.:anything?
ventea:YESSSS (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )
xiao.: u have to wash my motorbike whenever I ask u to
xiao.:for a three months
ventea:
ventea:NU
ventea:JEFIJFFW
ventea:I HATE CLEANING
xiao.:trust me, i know
ventea:IRFUERFI
ventea:if this is the price to pay...
ventea:so be it.
ventea:*stares off into the distance with cowboy music playing in the background*
xiao.:what the f*ck
cocogoat:did u get dropped on the head as a baby or smth??
xiao.: YU???
kaching!:YUYU WTF
iwritesmut: she really said i'm tired of ur sh*t venti
ventea:is my purpose in life just to get bullied?? ☹️☹️☹️
xiao.:yes.
cocogoat:yes
detective:yessir 🤠
scarameow:yeah
kaching!:yes
furina<3:mhm
kazoo:yes
kiyomeow:yea
iwritesmut:yes
zhongli:Yes.
ventea: f*ck yall ╭∩╮( •̀_•́ )╭∩╮
scarameow:no thanks
kazoo:im good
ventea: ew
ventea: anyways
ventea: when is the concert??
THEONEANDONI: NEXT WEEK
ventea: die Scheiße
ventea:LETS GET TO WORK KIDS@xiao. @scarameow @kazoo @detective
xiao.:kids?
ventea:bcz I'm older
xiao.:yea ur a grandpa
xiao.:need a cane?
ventea:WHY U BOOLEE MEH
xiao.:the fucj???
xiao.:i thought we left this in 2020
ventea:IM BRINGING IT BACK
xiao.:no
detective:no
kazoo:no
ventea: (•᷄ࡇ•᷅ )
ventea: weres scara??
kiyomeow:HES WITH ME LOLOL
kiyomeow:he saw me doing my daily pilates work out and was like "i bet it's easy"
kiyomeow:bitch tf?? (≖_≖ )
kiyomeow:and i was like lets see u do it !!
kiyomeow:hes dying now <333
kiyomeow:[a picture of scaramouche on a lilac yoga mat, sweating like crazy and sprawled out. kimi's cat mochi is perched on the couch, looking smugly at him].jpg
ventea:LMFAO IM SAVING THIS
xiao.:tell him to haul his ass here or pilates will be the last thing he worries about
kiyomeow:he says f*ck u
kiyomeow:and that he's coming in 5 min.
scarameow:HOW TF DO U DO THAT EVERY DAY???
kiyomeow:HOW DO YOU THINK I EAT SO MANY CARBS BUT STILL HAVE ABS?? 😂
scarameow:IDK MAGIC??
kiyomeow:...
kiyomeow:mochi needs attention
kiyomeow:bye !! ( ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ )🖕
scarameow: EFOIERFPREIF
ventea:COME FASTTTT
ventea, xiao., detective, scarameow and kazoo went offline
mother:we have new students@everyone
mother:please welcome them!
eether added arlecchino and chioriyaboutique
arlecchino:hm.
arlecchino:this is the infamous chat my children have been talking about?
magicboy:father!
lynette:hello father
fremi: 👋
wriotheSLAY:u have kids??
magicboy:father is a title in the fatui club!
monsieurnoovi:You are part of the Fatui?
arlecchino:Yes.
arlecchino:As a matter of fact, I'd like to properly introduce myself.
arlecchino:I am Arlecchino, the fourth of the eleven Fatui harbingers.
IAMTHELAW:another harbinger??
madam:whos the other one???
aloyyy:my distant cousin Ajax Childe Tartaglia!!! 🥰
madam: WHAT
madam: TARTAGLIA??
madam: AS IN GINGER TARTAGLIA??
toiletcleaner: huh??
lumean:THERE IS NO OTHER TARTAGLIA
madam:I am dead.
madam:Disceased.
madam:How did I not know this?
toiletcleaner:idk man
furina<3:oh hell no
furina<3:why the f*ck is she here???
arlecchino: hello miss furina.
furina<3 went offline
arlecchino: imerely greeted her.
arlecchino:?
monsieurnoovi:It might have something to do with how you cornered her to see if she had the hydro master keycard on her.
arlecchino:but i did not harm her?
monsieurnoovi:You certainly seemed like you were going to.
monsieurnoovi:And you gave her quite a scare.
gimmedango:ah the fatui
gimmedango:i ran over one of the harbingers with my car once
gimmedango:la senorita or smth
gimmedango:she left Celestia uni I think
arlecchino went offline
gimmedango:ugh I'm hungry
foxmiko:come over
foxmiko: i have dango !!
gimmedango:im comjng
gimmedango, foxmiko, toiletcleaner, and 3+ went offline
lumean renamed arlecchino "zaddy"
magicboy:lumine what the f*ck